Roles Within the Family

When Seth and I were first married with a new baby, our roles within the family were basically the same. We were both pretty clueless about what to do with a baby, both sleep deprived and both constantly worried about money and working as much as possible. 

Over the years though, our roles have evolved and we have each taken different responsibilities. In the beginning of Aubrey's journey, I would often think wonder if our marriage would survive. I had seen all of the terrible statistics on marriage failure when the couple had a child with special needs. I won't lie, it hasn't always been easy. We have definitely had our share of growing pains. Over the past year I have thought a lot about what role each of us play in our family. I know a lot of people who think everything should be equal in a marriage. You both work. You both help with the kids. You take turns going out. For us, this is just not the way it is. When we moved to ND I knew my role and contributions would forever be different. I was comfortable with the transition from splitting all task as evenly as possible, to each having different roles that we basically take full responsibility for. I would take the primary role of overseeing Aubrey's day to day activities and caring for our home and Seth would be responsible for our financial security. This might seem like I fell back into the 1950s to some but, I think it's different because back then those roles were never chosen. We decided, together, that this would be best for our family. The one thing that we do still split evenly is yard work. It did take time to settle into our new roles and we did have to discuss things often. Once we both had a clear understanding of what the other expected though, it has been smooth sailing. I don't complain about doing laundry constantly and Seth doesn't think it's unfair when I'm off two weeks at Christmas because Aubrey is out of school. It has been so helpful for both of us to understand how we can best contribute to our family and to ensure Aubrey's happiness. It takes so much stress out of a marriage when you both can decide what role you want to have, how you can compliment each other's role and how you can take all of the guess work out of what to expect form each other. We are two people who have committed our lives to raising a happy child, who we want to see be successful at life, whatever role that may be require us to take.