Aubrey, It's Time

Aubrey, 

At first I thought maybe I wouldn't make this letter public.  It seems so personal, a letter from me for you to read later in life.  Then again, that's what my entire blog is about.  It's all about my life with you and my take on things that are happening with you or that effect you. It's all personal, it's all for you to read later.  It's all in hopes that one day you'll be able to reflect on my take on your life.

Tonight was our last night at home together with just you and I.  Dad was at work tonight and we leave for Fargo tomorrow, where Alexander will be born on Monday.  It could be many years before we have a full night alone again. After 8 years of many nights of just the two of us, a big change is coming. You made it a typical night by throwing both your talker and remote in the bath with me and then jumping in yourself in your pajamas. Never one to disappoint.

Tomorrow we will pick you up from school and take the drive across the state where we will spend the weekend.  You will have all three grandmas there and Grandpa Ray.  I know you'll have a blast with so many people at your beck and call.  On Monday, dad and I will head to the hospital and before long, Alexander will be here.  You will be a big sister.  Now, I know you've been told that about 999 times, but soon enough, you will know what it actually means.  I'm sure I'll spend most of my time in labor worried about what you are doing, but you'll be in good hands. 

For the past nine months I'm been worried about how I can make all of this work, how you will react, how I will keep your schedule intact, how I can manage everything, how this will be for you.  Here's what I want you to know though, those fears and concerns are subsiding.  This is exactly what I wanted for you.  I wanted to give you this gift, I wanted you to have a brother to grow up with.  There's no need for me to fret, it will all fall into place, and if it doesn't I'll put it all in place.  I would give you many, many more, if I could. 

Aubrey, it's time.  It's time for the big change we've talked so much about.  It's time for mommy to have a baby.  It's time for baby to be in that room you've been so curious about.  It's time for yet another person in our bed at night. It's time for things to be a little different but no less wonderful.  It's time for our hearts to feel love for another child, but no less love for you.  This is it little girl, the next time we are home together, baby brother will be with us.  There's no way I can realistically prepare you for it, but it's time. 

By the time you read this, you will likely not remember what life was like without Alexander.  Let me tell you, it was only missing one thing - him.

Love you more than you will ever know,

Mommy