2017 was the year of change for us. We started the year completely refreshed after a wonderful family vacation to Hawaii. Aubrey was able to spend her days playing in the ocean and Seth and I got to spend some much needed time together, just loving life.
In January, my mom moved up from Mississippi. January isn't exactly the time of year that anyone would want to move to North Dakota but she tackled it with ease and transitioned to life in Crosby, ND without a hitch. She has been able to spend copious amounts of time with Aubrey and get to know Aubrey all over again.
In February, I found out that I was expecting, again. This happened right before a major trial that I had been working on for years. Perfect timing. We kept the news quiet from everyone for a while until I could not hide it any longer.
In March, Seth was promoted at Hess. He doesn't like to make a fuss over those type things but I don't mind sharing that he was promoted to his current level pretty quickly. He is so smart and continues to love what he does.
By the end of April, Aubrey was back in a swimsuit as her play attire. She finished second grade and geared up for another summer of fun with Jeri. Since I was pregnant and unable to help much on the farm, I was able to spend my evenings with Aubrey. We took Ranger rides almost every day and just hung out on the farm.
In June, we took a quick and easy vacation to Las Vegas to spend some time at the pool and soak up some desert sun. Aubrey swam her heart out to the point of being too tired to swim by the fourth day. First time that's ever happened.
In August, my dad, Marsha, John Michael and Kayla made their way up for a visit. We had such a nice visit and John Michael got to jump hay bales and we all did a 5K together. I took another trip to Vegas with Aubrey to see a neurologist and she lounged by the pool like a diva for a few days. Aubrey also started 3rd grade in August. Drew started his senior year at Ole Miss.
By September, I was gearing up for baby and getting things in order to take time off of work. Seth stayed busy with harvest and Aubrey loved to go out and ride with him in the combine in the evenings.
October brought the Royal Ball and harvest carnival. Aubrey dazzled in her ball gown and danced the night away with her handsome date, dad.
November brought us baby Alexander. He is now 5 weeks old and growing like a weed. I am so in love and would just hold him and look into his eyes all day. Aubrey is still coming to terms with the idea of a baby in the house. Seth has returned to a normal work schedule but I am still spending my days in pajamas and solving client problems from home for the most part.
December was the month of catching our breath from a whirlwind year. We celebrated Christmas with both mine and Seth's family. Tyler moved up in December and Drew made a trip up for the holiday. It was the first time we had all been together for Christmas in probably 6 or 7 years.
As we look to the year ahead there are so many big events on the horizon. I will return to work after the new year, Alexander will split his time between my office and dad. Aubrey will wrap up 3rd grade and continue to become more independent and gorgeous. Drew will enter grad school at Ole Miss in the fall. I am also hopeful to gain another brother this year, John Michael. He has become a part of our lives and we have high hopes for a successful adoption within the year.
It's almost impossible for next year to top this year and the joys that we experienced this year, but we are looking forward to making the most of an exciting year with our kids and will certainly be making memories to last a lifetime.
Thursday, December 28, 2017
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
My Heart Is Full
It has been six years since I had my first miscarriage. Six years of struggling with unanswered questions, feeling like a failure and losing hope over and over again. Six years and in one day, everything changed. No more questions, no more letdowns, no more wishful thinking. Six years later and I have the baby boy I have always dreamt of. So many stories that I read about miscarriages and infertility end with the couple learning to move past their struggle, whether through an alternate means of having a baby or through learning to be happy with the life they have. That is not our story. Our story is one where dreams do come true. Where it all turns out just as we had hoped. It has not been an easy journey, but it has lead to an ending that could not be more perfect. I don't think that is something that most people can say, I got everything I asked for. My heart is full and my world is whole.
Alexander arrived at 3:22 am, Tuesday morning. After going into the hospital at 7:00 am, Monday morning to be induced, he finally arrived early the next morning. He had a few heart declarations during my labor but other than that, everything seemed to go well. I transitioned fairly quickly once it got to that point and within minutes, he was ready to be born and was waiting on no one, including the doctor. The nurse was able to talk me into breathing through one contraction instead of pushing but I couldn't wait any longer, he was going to be born without a doctor. The nurse and Seth helped me through it and they delivered Alexander. Typically, that would not be such an ordeal, but then the cord was wrapped around his neck three times. Not once, three times. The nurse successfully unwrapped him and laid him on my chest. Talk about having the right nurse at the right time. He wasn't crying though. He just laid there. They took him and suctioned him for what seemed like an eternity. I wanted out of that bed so badly. Within minutes he was back to me though. Just a tiny little guy. I spent the next hour or so just holding my precious baby boy. The one that I feel so lucky to have.
We went through the normal process over the next 36 hours. Family came and went. Aubrey got to meet her baby brother - she was not impressed. Everything was going well until about 3:00 am on Thursday morning, 5 hours from our expected discharge. He couldn't maintain his blood sugar levels. They kept dropping. He was going to the NICU. Seth and I both became overly emotional. The NICU has been the place Aubrey has gone when things are bad, really, really bad. I was in such turmoil I couldn't speak without crying. I couldn't tell the nurse why we were in Fargo to begin with, without bursting into tears. That's why we were there. We were there in case he needed the extra support. We were there in case everything was not okay. We were there because we had been down this road before and knew that Fargo was the best place to be in the State. We had made all of those arrangements on purpose with a lot of thought, but I was devastated when we actually had to utilize them. Watching him have his IV placed made me feel like I was living a reoccurring nightmare. Everything we have been through with Aubrey was at the forefront of my mind. After he got settled, I had to return to my room, after all, I was still admitted to the hospital for postpartum care. After spending time with him the next morning, I returned to my floor for discharge. I couldn't even think about my own recovery from just having given birth. I needed to be with my baby. The one that was gone from my arms too soon. I was quickly reminded why we had chosen the facility we had. We were moved into a private NICU room and we were able to stay in his room with him. A stark difference from anything we had experienced with Aubrey. He was quickly weened off of his meds and within 48 hours was only being held for observation. We were able to leave the hospital, together, with baby in tow, Sunday morning.
Now we are almost three days into being home and honestly, it is everything I imagined. Aubrey is slowing coming around and I think as long as she knows she is still queen of the castle, she will be just fine. She will occasionally take the time to give him a high five or stop in his room for a quick look. As for me, I just feel so happy. I spend most of my day feeding, changing and rocking him and every time I look into his eyes I think what a little miracle he is. After six long years, he is the gift we were waiting for. He's the one. He's the one that survived. Just as Aubrey did. We are so very blessed to now say that we have a son. Our family is complete.
Alexander arrived at 3:22 am, Tuesday morning. After going into the hospital at 7:00 am, Monday morning to be induced, he finally arrived early the next morning. He had a few heart declarations during my labor but other than that, everything seemed to go well. I transitioned fairly quickly once it got to that point and within minutes, he was ready to be born and was waiting on no one, including the doctor. The nurse was able to talk me into breathing through one contraction instead of pushing but I couldn't wait any longer, he was going to be born without a doctor. The nurse and Seth helped me through it and they delivered Alexander. Typically, that would not be such an ordeal, but then the cord was wrapped around his neck three times. Not once, three times. The nurse successfully unwrapped him and laid him on my chest. Talk about having the right nurse at the right time. He wasn't crying though. He just laid there. They took him and suctioned him for what seemed like an eternity. I wanted out of that bed so badly. Within minutes he was back to me though. Just a tiny little guy. I spent the next hour or so just holding my precious baby boy. The one that I feel so lucky to have.
We went through the normal process over the next 36 hours. Family came and went. Aubrey got to meet her baby brother - she was not impressed. Everything was going well until about 3:00 am on Thursday morning, 5 hours from our expected discharge. He couldn't maintain his blood sugar levels. They kept dropping. He was going to the NICU. Seth and I both became overly emotional. The NICU has been the place Aubrey has gone when things are bad, really, really bad. I was in such turmoil I couldn't speak without crying. I couldn't tell the nurse why we were in Fargo to begin with, without bursting into tears. That's why we were there. We were there in case he needed the extra support. We were there in case everything was not okay. We were there because we had been down this road before and knew that Fargo was the best place to be in the State. We had made all of those arrangements on purpose with a lot of thought, but I was devastated when we actually had to utilize them. Watching him have his IV placed made me feel like I was living a reoccurring nightmare. Everything we have been through with Aubrey was at the forefront of my mind. After he got settled, I had to return to my room, after all, I was still admitted to the hospital for postpartum care. After spending time with him the next morning, I returned to my floor for discharge. I couldn't even think about my own recovery from just having given birth. I needed to be with my baby. The one that was gone from my arms too soon. I was quickly reminded why we had chosen the facility we had. We were moved into a private NICU room and we were able to stay in his room with him. A stark difference from anything we had experienced with Aubrey. He was quickly weened off of his meds and within 48 hours was only being held for observation. We were able to leave the hospital, together, with baby in tow, Sunday morning.
Now we are almost three days into being home and honestly, it is everything I imagined. Aubrey is slowing coming around and I think as long as she knows she is still queen of the castle, she will be just fine. She will occasionally take the time to give him a high five or stop in his room for a quick look. As for me, I just feel so happy. I spend most of my day feeding, changing and rocking him and every time I look into his eyes I think what a little miracle he is. After six long years, he is the gift we were waiting for. He's the one. He's the one that survived. Just as Aubrey did. We are so very blessed to now say that we have a son. Our family is complete.
Thursday, November 16, 2017
Aubrey, It's Time
Aubrey,
At first I thought maybe I wouldn't make this letter public. It seems so personal, a letter from me for you to read later in life. Then again, that's what my entire blog is about. It's all about my life with you and my take on things that are happening with you or that effect you. It's all personal, it's all for you to read later. It's all in hopes that one day you'll be able to reflect on my take on your life.
Tonight was our last night at home together with just you and I. Dad was at work tonight and we leave for Fargo tomorrow, where Alexander will be born on Monday. It could be many years before we have a full night alone again. After 8 years of many nights of just the two of us, a big change is coming. You made it a typical night by throwing both your talker and remote in the bath with me and then jumping in yourself in your pajamas. Never one to disappoint.
Tomorrow we will pick you up from school and take the drive across the state where we will spend the weekend. You will have all three grandmas there and Grandpa Ray. I know you'll have a blast with so many people at your beck and call. On Monday, dad and I will head to the hospital and before long, Alexander will be here. You will be a big sister. Now, I know you've been told that about 999 times, but soon enough, you will know what it actually means. I'm sure I'll spend most of my time in labor worried about what you are doing, but you'll be in good hands.
For the past nine months I'm been worried about how I can make all of this work, how you will react, how I will keep your schedule intact, how I can manage everything, how this will be for you. Here's what I want you to know though, those fears and concerns are subsiding. This is exactly what I wanted for you. I wanted to give you this gift, I wanted you to have a brother to grow up with. There's no need for me to fret, it will all fall into place, and if it doesn't I'll put it all in place. I would give you many, many more, if I could.
Aubrey, it's time. It's time for the big change we've talked so much about. It's time for mommy to have a baby. It's time for baby to be in that room you've been so curious about. It's time for yet another person in our bed at night. It's time for things to be a little different but no less wonderful. It's time for our hearts to feel love for another child, but no less love for you. This is it little girl, the next time we are home together, baby brother will be with us. There's no way I can realistically prepare you for it, but it's time.
By the time you read this, you will likely not remember what life was like without Alexander. Let me tell you, it was only missing one thing - him.
Love you more than you will ever know,
Mommy
At first I thought maybe I wouldn't make this letter public. It seems so personal, a letter from me for you to read later in life. Then again, that's what my entire blog is about. It's all about my life with you and my take on things that are happening with you or that effect you. It's all personal, it's all for you to read later. It's all in hopes that one day you'll be able to reflect on my take on your life.
Tonight was our last night at home together with just you and I. Dad was at work tonight and we leave for Fargo tomorrow, where Alexander will be born on Monday. It could be many years before we have a full night alone again. After 8 years of many nights of just the two of us, a big change is coming. You made it a typical night by throwing both your talker and remote in the bath with me and then jumping in yourself in your pajamas. Never one to disappoint.
Tomorrow we will pick you up from school and take the drive across the state where we will spend the weekend. You will have all three grandmas there and Grandpa Ray. I know you'll have a blast with so many people at your beck and call. On Monday, dad and I will head to the hospital and before long, Alexander will be here. You will be a big sister. Now, I know you've been told that about 999 times, but soon enough, you will know what it actually means. I'm sure I'll spend most of my time in labor worried about what you are doing, but you'll be in good hands.
For the past nine months I'm been worried about how I can make all of this work, how you will react, how I will keep your schedule intact, how I can manage everything, how this will be for you. Here's what I want you to know though, those fears and concerns are subsiding. This is exactly what I wanted for you. I wanted to give you this gift, I wanted you to have a brother to grow up with. There's no need for me to fret, it will all fall into place, and if it doesn't I'll put it all in place. I would give you many, many more, if I could.
Aubrey, it's time. It's time for the big change we've talked so much about. It's time for mommy to have a baby. It's time for baby to be in that room you've been so curious about. It's time for yet another person in our bed at night. It's time for things to be a little different but no less wonderful. It's time for our hearts to feel love for another child, but no less love for you. This is it little girl, the next time we are home together, baby brother will be with us. There's no way I can realistically prepare you for it, but it's time.
By the time you read this, you will likely not remember what life was like without Alexander. Let me tell you, it was only missing one thing - him.
Love you more than you will ever know,
Mommy
Monday, September 4, 2017
An Open Letter To My First Born Son
This is a letter that I feel I must write before you are born. After children are born, mother's forget the emotions they had during pregnancy. We forget the dreams we once had before the child was born. We change our minds with the situation and conform to the circumstances at hand. I wish I had kept one of these letters for your sister so that I could remind myself of how much I have grown and evolved since then.
At this time, you are expected to make a grand entrance into this world in about two months. The doctor is currently very concerned about your growth. Your looking a little small for your age and we are doing a lot of ultrasounds to make sure this issue doesn't become critical. Technically it's called Fetal Growth Restriction, but I know you will grow to be big and strong and have not been too hung up on it. There is also a concern with one of your kidney's but the doctor believes that will be easy enough to correct after birth if it does not self correct before. At this point, I expect you will be born in Fargo, ND but that could change as time gets closer. I have not yet bought a single piece of furniture for your nursery because I have been nervous that something will go wrong. I plan on getting that accomplished within a few weeks. I expect to name you Alexander Russell after our dear friend Russ, as he requested before he left us.
Here's the most important thing I want you to know. I have dreamt of you for many years. I have hoped and wished and wanted you more than anything in the world. Even before your sister was born, I dreamt of the little boy I would one day have. Your father and I have talked about our future son for many, many years. You were my seventh pregnancy and I would do it all over again just to have you. I know you will be strong enough for this family, which is not some cliche. If you can make it this far, under all of my stress and previous complication, you will be just fine in outside world.
Here are a few of the things you should know about us. We do not sleep much. Your sister is awake, a lot. We are hard workers so you'll just have to get on board with that. I expect you will spend many hours in a law office and many more in tractors and combines. I've gone so far as to buy you a rocking seat for my office. You've already sat through a five day trial and been with me for many 80+ hour weeks. I expect this will not change much after you are born, except maybe the trials. Your dad works in a gas plant so, sorry buddy, but you won't be hanging out with him at work anytime soon. You can expect to farm with both of us though.
OK, now here's the hard part. Let's talk about your sister. Your sister is a beautiful eight year old girl right now and in third grade. She is autistic, non-verbal and epileptic. Basically, your sister can't speak with her voice and has to overcome a lot on a daily basis. You will never know any different though and I hope that she will adapt to you just as you do to her. I don't know what will happen or how she will feel about you being born. It makes me nervous but at the same time I am so excited for you two to meet each other. It is likely that you will always be the one to look out for her and not the other way around. You will be eight years younger than her but by the time you are three or four, I am certain she will look to you for guidance in many things. I hope that you always respect her achievements and know that she works extremely hard to overcome her challenges. I hope that you always love her in the same unconditional way that mommy and daddy love you. You will learn to be patient with her, I know that without a doubt. If I am able to teach you nothing else, I will teach you patience. She already tries to take over your things, like your sleeper and stroller. She might be a little confused by a new baby in the house but I hope she will adjust to the idea soon, really soon. I talk to her about you being in my belly and you kick her a lot at night when she puts her back or knees up against you. Please don't kick her after you are born though, she will kick you back and that would not be good. There are some nice things that your sister has laid the path for. I have completely given up on trying to control your play time. She plays in the mud, rain, snow, or any other condition as she pleases. There is rarely a bedtime in the summer and I never get too upset about all of the dirt that is tracked in and out of our house. I'm not sure how I will handle electronic devices with you though, seeing as how she has free reign over many tablets, iPads, iPhones and iPods. Hopefully I have a little time to figure this situation out.
Seeing as how your dad and I have had so many years to discuss the future of our next born child, we have a lot planned for you. We know what sports we want you to play - football, soccer, basketball, swim, tennis, and golf - and we know what we really want you to excel in - soccer and basketball. Hope you are okay with that. We have also discussed your college attendance. We will continue to discuss that further though, as we do not see eye to eye on that one. The thing I think about most though when it comes to your future though is that you turn out to be a good person. We will no doubt set high expectations for you, that's just our nature, but I want you to always have good character and integrity. Those are important to me. I must say that I'm excited about seeing you spend many hours in the back yard tossing a football around or kicking a soccer ball with your dad. I know he's waited a long time for a son to do those things with and I'm so happy he will finally have that opportunity.
Here's the thing, everybody has been waiting a long, long time for you to be born. Grandmas have prayed for you, grandpas have cried for you, everyone we know has hoped for your well being and arrival one day. As that day nears, I want you to know that you will adored and loved and gushed over. You will be showered with gifts and probably sent dozens of cards and letters. No matter how difficult this road has been, I hope you will know you were worth the wait and I will cherish my role as a mother to you.
At this time, you are expected to make a grand entrance into this world in about two months. The doctor is currently very concerned about your growth. Your looking a little small for your age and we are doing a lot of ultrasounds to make sure this issue doesn't become critical. Technically it's called Fetal Growth Restriction, but I know you will grow to be big and strong and have not been too hung up on it. There is also a concern with one of your kidney's but the doctor believes that will be easy enough to correct after birth if it does not self correct before. At this point, I expect you will be born in Fargo, ND but that could change as time gets closer. I have not yet bought a single piece of furniture for your nursery because I have been nervous that something will go wrong. I plan on getting that accomplished within a few weeks. I expect to name you Alexander Russell after our dear friend Russ, as he requested before he left us.
Here's the most important thing I want you to know. I have dreamt of you for many years. I have hoped and wished and wanted you more than anything in the world. Even before your sister was born, I dreamt of the little boy I would one day have. Your father and I have talked about our future son for many, many years. You were my seventh pregnancy and I would do it all over again just to have you. I know you will be strong enough for this family, which is not some cliche. If you can make it this far, under all of my stress and previous complication, you will be just fine in outside world.
Here are a few of the things you should know about us. We do not sleep much. Your sister is awake, a lot. We are hard workers so you'll just have to get on board with that. I expect you will spend many hours in a law office and many more in tractors and combines. I've gone so far as to buy you a rocking seat for my office. You've already sat through a five day trial and been with me for many 80+ hour weeks. I expect this will not change much after you are born, except maybe the trials. Your dad works in a gas plant so, sorry buddy, but you won't be hanging out with him at work anytime soon. You can expect to farm with both of us though.
OK, now here's the hard part. Let's talk about your sister. Your sister is a beautiful eight year old girl right now and in third grade. She is autistic, non-verbal and epileptic. Basically, your sister can't speak with her voice and has to overcome a lot on a daily basis. You will never know any different though and I hope that she will adapt to you just as you do to her. I don't know what will happen or how she will feel about you being born. It makes me nervous but at the same time I am so excited for you two to meet each other. It is likely that you will always be the one to look out for her and not the other way around. You will be eight years younger than her but by the time you are three or four, I am certain she will look to you for guidance in many things. I hope that you always respect her achievements and know that she works extremely hard to overcome her challenges. I hope that you always love her in the same unconditional way that mommy and daddy love you. You will learn to be patient with her, I know that without a doubt. If I am able to teach you nothing else, I will teach you patience. She already tries to take over your things, like your sleeper and stroller. She might be a little confused by a new baby in the house but I hope she will adjust to the idea soon, really soon. I talk to her about you being in my belly and you kick her a lot at night when she puts her back or knees up against you. Please don't kick her after you are born though, she will kick you back and that would not be good. There are some nice things that your sister has laid the path for. I have completely given up on trying to control your play time. She plays in the mud, rain, snow, or any other condition as she pleases. There is rarely a bedtime in the summer and I never get too upset about all of the dirt that is tracked in and out of our house. I'm not sure how I will handle electronic devices with you though, seeing as how she has free reign over many tablets, iPads, iPhones and iPods. Hopefully I have a little time to figure this situation out.
Seeing as how your dad and I have had so many years to discuss the future of our next born child, we have a lot planned for you. We know what sports we want you to play - football, soccer, basketball, swim, tennis, and golf - and we know what we really want you to excel in - soccer and basketball. Hope you are okay with that. We have also discussed your college attendance. We will continue to discuss that further though, as we do not see eye to eye on that one. The thing I think about most though when it comes to your future though is that you turn out to be a good person. We will no doubt set high expectations for you, that's just our nature, but I want you to always have good character and integrity. Those are important to me. I must say that I'm excited about seeing you spend many hours in the back yard tossing a football around or kicking a soccer ball with your dad. I know he's waited a long time for a son to do those things with and I'm so happy he will finally have that opportunity.
Here's the thing, everybody has been waiting a long, long time for you to be born. Grandmas have prayed for you, grandpas have cried for you, everyone we know has hoped for your well being and arrival one day. As that day nears, I want you to know that you will adored and loved and gushed over. You will be showered with gifts and probably sent dozens of cards and letters. No matter how difficult this road has been, I hope you will know you were worth the wait and I will cherish my role as a mother to you.
Monday, July 24, 2017
Overload
Seizures, surges, biting, kicking, screaming. Why. Why is this happening. Make it stop, how do we make it stop. Aubrey has been struggling with some unpleasant developments over the summer and we are in a desperate search for a solution. After we seemed to have the seizures and sleep under control, the manic rages started. The first one that made me realize we needed a neurologist involved was in the aquarium in Las Vegas on our vacation. It was literally like all hell broke loose in front of the jelly fish tank. She just started biting uncontrollably and crying and screaming. Holy $&!?, let's get her out of here. Out the entrance we went in a hurry while she was ripping into Seth's shoulder like a vampire. I don't think either of us could comprehend what we had just experienced. We sat quietly on a bench outside of some bathrooms just trying to process the situation. Five minutes later she was eating a hot dog, happy as could be. Ummm, ok. A week later I was on my way to Fargo with her and it happened again. We literally parked on the side of the rode for almost an hour to let it run its course, while I tried singing, talking, not talking, dodging bites, rocking, taking her for a walk, so on and so forth. Nevermind that I felt like I had just survived an intense battle, how did she feel. It was while I was watching that episode that I knew she couldn't control it. If she wanted to stop it, she couldn't. It was out of her control just as much as her seizures are out of her control. She was hurting herself. She was bleeding. She couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't help her in that moment. That's a feeling that I do not care to experience often. The neurologist increased Aubrey's meds a bit and ordered an EEG. Ok cool, maybe that'll help. I feel like it helped the way Tylenol helps a migraine. She's had more episodes over the past few weeks with the latest being yesterday during speech therapy. Jeri was with her and by the time they got back to town, Aubrey's arms were swollen, her knees were bruised and her lip was bleeding from all of the biting. It's times like that, that I want to blame someone. As if Aubrey really got so annoyed in speech that she bites hard enough to break skin. That's not true and I know it but it's so easy to want to blame someone else when you don't know how to help your child. I know it must be so unbelievably frustrating to Aubrey because not only can she not control these outburst, she can't tell me how it feels or explain the pain she is experiencing.
I'm still waiting for results from the EEG, longest four day wait ever. I desperately hope the doctor sees a need to change something. Something has to make it better. I can't send her to school like that. I can't introduce more aides and classmates to a situation that I can't even tell them how to control. One step forward, two steps back. Until we have a solution, I will continue to brace for impact every single day.
Update:
I received the results from the EEG a few weeks ago- from two different doctors - and was only told that yes, in fact, Aubrey is having seizures. Yep, I know that doc. Then I was told that if Aubrey was having some sort of other behaviors, I needed to video her and send it in. Pardon me? Is that a joke? My daughter is a danger to herself and others and you want me to relax and pull out my phone and send you a video? I think not. Now, this was all coming from a doctor that does not typically see Aubrey, since her regular neurologist is on maternity leave. Of course, since she is on maternity leave, I was then told that we could not get in to see her until November. NOVEMBER?!?!?! School is going to start and I'm going to have a baby by then. Not going to work. I was beyond frustrated. I knew we had to seek a second opinion. Unfortunately, we live in North Dakota and when you want to question a doctor from Fargo, your options are kind of limited. My first Google search was "top pediatric neurologist in U.S.". I was mad and I was going to find someone I trusted. Then I looked at "UCLA pediatric neurologist". Aubrey had seen a geneticist there before and maybe they had a neurologist that would be helpful. Then I remembered the neurologist that she had seen twice in Las Vegas. At the time, Aubrey didn't have any real neurological concerns so we didn't see her often. She had reviewed an MRI one time just to rule out the atrophy that had been noted early in Aubrey's life and briefly consulted with us on Aubrey's autism, but that had been about it. I remembered that she was leaving the practice she was in before we moved but couldn't even remember her name. Luckily, I was able to find her right away because Las Vegas is a relatively small town despite what it may look like to a tourist. I was a little confused right away because the only current information contact information I could find was from UNLV. Was she a professor now? When did UNLV get a School of Medicine? Anyway, I decided to email her and, surprisingly, had a response the next day. I explained all of Aubrey's troubles and without telling her that I was fed up with the current opinions, told her I was seeking a second opinion. She agreed to see Aubrey and put me in contact with her assistant. Okay, that was fast. Not like here where I'll need to wait until November to speak to someone. Her assistant worked some magic with her schedule set us up with an appointment within a week, so that Aubrey's school schedule would not be disrupted.
Off to Vegas we went to get some answers. It was a quick two day trip but Aubrey was able to get in a full day at the pool. Bonus!! I showed up with all of her records in hand and a video of her most recent EEG - another thing I had to call about 5 times to receive. The doctor, resident and student took time to review the video and read over the records prior to having Aubrey in. This is what Aubrey needed. Someone to actually pay attention and create a plan. She discussed various options with me, reviewed the EEG with me and wrote down her recommendations. We spent about an hour talking and coming up with a strategic path forward. One of her first recommendations is for Aubrey to have gene testing done to see what medications work best for her. Wish I'd known that existed two years ago. After that, I will have to follow-up with the original neurologist out of Fargo for medication adjustments and additions, which will now be in September and not November (another multitude of phone calls), because of the issue of writing prescriptions across State lines. I felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted from me. We have a plan in place and I'm not sitting here spinning my wheels. I felt like finally I had visited with a doctor who saw patients like Aubrey multiple times a day. There was no guessing games. She knew what was up - she's seen it before. Sometimes that's all a mom needs to know. To know that my child isn't the ONLY one out there having these issues. To know that there are many children that are struggling just like she is. Even though I made the decision to give her better quality of life by moving to small town USA, it's okay to travel to see a doctor or two every now and then.
Today Aubrey started 3rd grade. Her team from the school and I were able to sit down earlier this week so they could get caught up on what's going on. For now, I have rearranged some of her meds to hopefully get her through the school day with no extreme aggressive outburst. Day one was a success! My goal is to have it all under control and worked out prior to having a baby, but for now, if I can keep her from spinning out of control from 8:30 - 3:30, I'll take it.
Update:
We are about three months into the school year and I think we have finally found some relief for Aubrey's mind. We have changed meds a few times. The most significant change came from adding Hyrodroxyzine to her list. It is primarily used for anxiety and just seems to calm her nerves. Other significant changes were changing to an extended release version of her seizure meds. I think this has helped with the mood swings, her level of Lamictal should be more consistent now. The other significant change that has been made is that Aubrey is now tablet-less. That's right. No more playing on tablets or phones. It's hard to explain the changes we have experienced with taking it from her. I definitely do not recommend doing it unless you are really ready to dig your heels in and commit. There were several sleepless nights and a lot of crying and biting but after about two weeks, she got used to the idea and no longer asks for it. I do not know where we got so lost in the idea that she could have one non-stop, but somewhere along the line we did. We all did. She loved it so much and the characters on her shows were her friends. It was painful for me to deny her what she considered a relief from reality. She is better for it now though. She does get a little bored on the weekends, especially with the cooler weather and not being able to play outside all day, because she refuses to wear pants. We have tapped into toys that haven't been looked at in years and have come to love the show Dinosaur Train on T.V.
She is still all over the place with her sleep and sleeps anywhere from 6-13 hours a night. I'm almost convinced that has more to do with her needing to go potty in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep or some other typical disturbance that we all experience. She is still on her sleep meds but I'd really like to get those down to a minimal amount, so that she's not so drowsy in the mornings. That will be our next challenge.
All of this goes without saying that Aubrey will probably always have behaviors that I cannot explain or that will at least take me a while to figure out. Just last weekend I thought we were back to square one with the meltdowns after a 45 min screaming and biting session that was horrific. I just wanted to cry thinking that nothing was any better than it had been four months earlier. Come to find out on Monday, she had strep throat. She was just in pain. Well, not JUST, but at least it was an easy fix. After she refused breakfast almost completely that Monday morning, I took her in to see the doctor just to confirm that she didn't have an obvious medical condition. What a relief to know that she only had strep throat.
After many months of wishing I could ease the chaos in her brain and help her to be safe from her own actions, I think we are on a good track and I see a lot of improvement. I am so very hopeful that the new baby does not throw her into a tailspin and she is able to accept him and find him interesting.
I'm still waiting for results from the EEG, longest four day wait ever. I desperately hope the doctor sees a need to change something. Something has to make it better. I can't send her to school like that. I can't introduce more aides and classmates to a situation that I can't even tell them how to control. One step forward, two steps back. Until we have a solution, I will continue to brace for impact every single day.
Update:
I received the results from the EEG a few weeks ago- from two different doctors - and was only told that yes, in fact, Aubrey is having seizures. Yep, I know that doc. Then I was told that if Aubrey was having some sort of other behaviors, I needed to video her and send it in. Pardon me? Is that a joke? My daughter is a danger to herself and others and you want me to relax and pull out my phone and send you a video? I think not. Now, this was all coming from a doctor that does not typically see Aubrey, since her regular neurologist is on maternity leave. Of course, since she is on maternity leave, I was then told that we could not get in to see her until November. NOVEMBER?!?!?! School is going to start and I'm going to have a baby by then. Not going to work. I was beyond frustrated. I knew we had to seek a second opinion. Unfortunately, we live in North Dakota and when you want to question a doctor from Fargo, your options are kind of limited. My first Google search was "top pediatric neurologist in U.S.". I was mad and I was going to find someone I trusted. Then I looked at "UCLA pediatric neurologist". Aubrey had seen a geneticist there before and maybe they had a neurologist that would be helpful. Then I remembered the neurologist that she had seen twice in Las Vegas. At the time, Aubrey didn't have any real neurological concerns so we didn't see her often. She had reviewed an MRI one time just to rule out the atrophy that had been noted early in Aubrey's life and briefly consulted with us on Aubrey's autism, but that had been about it. I remembered that she was leaving the practice she was in before we moved but couldn't even remember her name. Luckily, I was able to find her right away because Las Vegas is a relatively small town despite what it may look like to a tourist. I was a little confused right away because the only current information contact information I could find was from UNLV. Was she a professor now? When did UNLV get a School of Medicine? Anyway, I decided to email her and, surprisingly, had a response the next day. I explained all of Aubrey's troubles and without telling her that I was fed up with the current opinions, told her I was seeking a second opinion. She agreed to see Aubrey and put me in contact with her assistant. Okay, that was fast. Not like here where I'll need to wait until November to speak to someone. Her assistant worked some magic with her schedule set us up with an appointment within a week, so that Aubrey's school schedule would not be disrupted.
Off to Vegas we went to get some answers. It was a quick two day trip but Aubrey was able to get in a full day at the pool. Bonus!! I showed up with all of her records in hand and a video of her most recent EEG - another thing I had to call about 5 times to receive. The doctor, resident and student took time to review the video and read over the records prior to having Aubrey in. This is what Aubrey needed. Someone to actually pay attention and create a plan. She discussed various options with me, reviewed the EEG with me and wrote down her recommendations. We spent about an hour talking and coming up with a strategic path forward. One of her first recommendations is for Aubrey to have gene testing done to see what medications work best for her. Wish I'd known that existed two years ago. After that, I will have to follow-up with the original neurologist out of Fargo for medication adjustments and additions, which will now be in September and not November (another multitude of phone calls), because of the issue of writing prescriptions across State lines. I felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted from me. We have a plan in place and I'm not sitting here spinning my wheels. I felt like finally I had visited with a doctor who saw patients like Aubrey multiple times a day. There was no guessing games. She knew what was up - she's seen it before. Sometimes that's all a mom needs to know. To know that my child isn't the ONLY one out there having these issues. To know that there are many children that are struggling just like she is. Even though I made the decision to give her better quality of life by moving to small town USA, it's okay to travel to see a doctor or two every now and then.
Today Aubrey started 3rd grade. Her team from the school and I were able to sit down earlier this week so they could get caught up on what's going on. For now, I have rearranged some of her meds to hopefully get her through the school day with no extreme aggressive outburst. Day one was a success! My goal is to have it all under control and worked out prior to having a baby, but for now, if I can keep her from spinning out of control from 8:30 - 3:30, I'll take it.
Update:
We are about three months into the school year and I think we have finally found some relief for Aubrey's mind. We have changed meds a few times. The most significant change came from adding Hyrodroxyzine to her list. It is primarily used for anxiety and just seems to calm her nerves. Other significant changes were changing to an extended release version of her seizure meds. I think this has helped with the mood swings, her level of Lamictal should be more consistent now. The other significant change that has been made is that Aubrey is now tablet-less. That's right. No more playing on tablets or phones. It's hard to explain the changes we have experienced with taking it from her. I definitely do not recommend doing it unless you are really ready to dig your heels in and commit. There were several sleepless nights and a lot of crying and biting but after about two weeks, she got used to the idea and no longer asks for it. I do not know where we got so lost in the idea that she could have one non-stop, but somewhere along the line we did. We all did. She loved it so much and the characters on her shows were her friends. It was painful for me to deny her what she considered a relief from reality. She is better for it now though. She does get a little bored on the weekends, especially with the cooler weather and not being able to play outside all day, because she refuses to wear pants. We have tapped into toys that haven't been looked at in years and have come to love the show Dinosaur Train on T.V.
She is still all over the place with her sleep and sleeps anywhere from 6-13 hours a night. I'm almost convinced that has more to do with her needing to go potty in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep or some other typical disturbance that we all experience. She is still on her sleep meds but I'd really like to get those down to a minimal amount, so that she's not so drowsy in the mornings. That will be our next challenge.
All of this goes without saying that Aubrey will probably always have behaviors that I cannot explain or that will at least take me a while to figure out. Just last weekend I thought we were back to square one with the meltdowns after a 45 min screaming and biting session that was horrific. I just wanted to cry thinking that nothing was any better than it had been four months earlier. Come to find out on Monday, she had strep throat. She was just in pain. Well, not JUST, but at least it was an easy fix. After she refused breakfast almost completely that Monday morning, I took her in to see the doctor just to confirm that she didn't have an obvious medical condition. What a relief to know that she only had strep throat.
After many months of wishing I could ease the chaos in her brain and help her to be safe from her own actions, I think we are on a good track and I see a lot of improvement. I am so very hopeful that the new baby does not throw her into a tailspin and she is able to accept him and find him interesting.
Friday, June 16, 2017
How Does This Even Work
As I approach 18 weeks, this pregnancy is starting to get real. I am just settling into the idea that it's likely that I'm actually going to have a baby and not just be pregnant. What the heck. We just got back from a small vacation and while we were there so many emotions and questions hit me. How is this even going to work? Aubrey demands so much of my attention, how am I going to have enough of me to give to another child. Will she love the baby. Is it fair to her. Am I physically capable of handling both a baby and Aubrey. I honestly don't know the answer to any of those. What will happen to the peaceful environment we have created for Aubrey. Will she go with the flow or will she be tormented by the change. What will the first few years be like. I will have a solid plan in place to keep the baby and Aubrey separated to avoid dangerous situations but what about her daily routine, her comfort zones, her ability to roam freely, and what in the world will we do about sleep. How will I carry them both around, literally carry them. How will I calm Aubrey in a fit of anger with a baby in my arms. How will I separate them in a vehicle. How will I keep Aubrey out of the baby's room.
These are all normal questions for any family. Normal concerns for any only child who is about to have their world shaken. Why do I feel such fear then. Likely, because I know the struggles I had with Aubrey. I know the effort it took. I know the sleepless years, the long days, the contempling every single move we should make. I know that reality. What I don't know is the usual stuff. I don't know what it's like to wake up just to feed a baby and not already have one eye open to make sure she's breathing. I don't know what it's like to be exhausted when you bring the baby home from the hospital instead of having been resting for two weeks while she's in the NICU. I don't know what it's like to post videos because milestones are being reached early. I don't know what it's like hearing first words or dreaming about athletic futures. I don't know those things. All I know is fear and uncertainty with a child. I want so badly to believe everything with be smooth sailing, that we will glide through this transition in welcoming our new baby boy. I want to believe that it's really that easy. There's no way to know though. We will bring him home and hold our breath. I will be sleeping with one eye open because Aubrey will be sleeping next to me and I will be terrified the baby's cries will wake her up. It's all getting so real. After all of the sadness of loss and devastation of thinking it would never happen, the reality is taking hold and I just hope that it works for me and for the little girl that I wanted so badly to have little brother.
Sunday, April 23, 2017
One Last Rodeo
My co-worker got a text last night asking if I'm pregnant. I guess putting on a extra weight is indicative of being pregnant. Good thing I am, or that would have been really awkward. That's right, we decided to give it one more shot. One more hopeful prayer that we can have a baby. It's pregnancy number seven and enough is enough. I'm currently 10 weeks and there are already some concerns. I have a small hemorrhage and three cyst in my uterus. The baby looks great though. During my ultrasound sound Friday, it was dancing as much as one inch nugget can dance. This actually all came as a surprise, after a failed attempt with fertility meds a few months ago. I didn't know for a few weeks and was not prepared when I figured it out. Being on the eve of a gigantic trial, I kept it a secret from everyone other than Seth and my co-worker Sam. I didn't really want everyone's opinion on me being 7 weeks and working literally 90 hours a week. It's not a good time for me to consider slowing down right now with the law office bursting at the seams with new cases and the start of farming season right around the corner, but that's how it goes.
So this is it, our one last rodeo in the world of pregnancy. If it doesn't go well, it doesn't mean we won't try other options, but I'm burnt out on first trimesters, weekly doctors appointments and being heartbroken with no no answers. If I have a beautiful baby in 30 weeks, all of these struggles will be long forgotten. We will keep our fingers crossed and our expectations light.
Update 5-17-17: It's a boy! We did some genetic testing because even if I were to have a healthy pregnancy, there's a 50/50 chance that a boy would have the same X deletion I have and that would be bad news. I had convinced myself that I couldn't have a boy. Out of 7 babies, this is the first boy. Now, after getting that news, we had to wait several more days to get all of the results back to know if it did or did not have the deletion. A lot of planning and processing came in those three days. I got the call on Monday, everything is normal! What the heck is happening?!?!! I'm having a little boy! I have been so set in my mind that it was impossible for so long. A little boy to protect and watch over our precious little girl. My heart is so full with hope and joy. Now, this doesn't change anything with the possibility of miscarriage but it makes me so hopeful that maybe this time is really for real. Stay tuned........
Update 6-30-17: I had my 20 week anatomy ultrasound today and everything looks perfect! My pregnancy has been going well and there are no signs of complications. I'm honestly feeling great. I forgot how easy the second trimester was. I get a little tired in the afternoons but that's all. Now, of course there is still all of the anxiety I shared in my other blog post, but my pregnancy itself is going really smoothly. We've decided to start ordering a few necessities and are slowly changing our mindsets from expecting the worst to expecting the best. I have discussed somewhat of a plan for birth with my primary OB and the baby will not be born in Williston - it's just not the place for me. We will have to consult more with the perinatologist in August to decide if I will have the baby in Bismarck or Fargo. Either would be fine with us, we'd travel anywhere to ensure the best care. I would start care at the planned delivery location at about 30 weeks and be induced at week 38-39. Anyone who knows me, knows that's not an ideal plan for me. I love the idea of a completely natural birth in my living room with soothing music and dim lights. I had to set those thoughts aside with Aubrey and I'm more than willing to set them aside again with safety in mind. My routine appointments have gone to every four weeks now that I can feel baby tumbling around. Best feeling ever!
Update 9-19-17
Things aren’t “perfect” like I thought they were at 20 weeks. I’m now 31 weeks and we know that there is Fetal Growth Restriction. What the heck, a small baby? What will I even do with a tiny kid? I’m so accustomed to lugging around a 4’7” 80 pound kid, that has always been off the charts. The abdomen is consistently measuring below the 10th percentile which means I’m having ultrasounds every two weeks to monitor. Of course, there seems to be no real rhyme or reason for it, blood flow looks good. I’ve had three ultrasounds now, by three different techs and it’s definitely small. We met again with our Maternal Fetal Specialist today and things are staying constant, which is the best it can be, if it’s going to remain abnormal. I have scheduled a date to be induced and hope that I can make it until then to let baby grow and develop for as long as possible. He will be born in Fargo at the new hospital to ensure we have everything available that myself or baby could possibly need.
I’m beginning to require more rest and can’t seem to manage on 4 hours of sleep anymore. I have scheduled my last day of work to be two weeks before my induction date to give me some time to rest before the birth. The nursery is coming together and all of the furniture is in place. Aubrey has taken to the baby bed and likes to spend time watching her iPad in it. I’m not sure Alexander want to take to Bubble Guppies so early in life, but he may not have a choice.
Update 10-15-17
35 weeks. Hold on little buddy, we are so close to seeing this thing through. The ultrasound at week 32 told us that not only is the abdomen small, but so is the femur. Really small. It was measuring in the 1 percentile. The next one told us that the abdomen was falling on the chart even more, 4th percentile. Now I'm having weekly Doppler scans to check the blood flow through the cord and to check the amniotic fluid. Blood flow still looks good, amniotic fluid is getting low. When they test for this, they look to see the largest pocket of fluid around the baby. The lower limit is 2 centimeters. The largest they could find last week was 2.1 centimeters. The baby is still active and his heart rate is still looking really good though. I will meet with the perinatologist again on Tuesday and we will see what his thoughts are. I am thinking not much will change as long as nothing gets any worse. We just want to let this baby keep growing and developing in a safe environment - as long as the womb is still safe. Just a few more weeks and a very tiny little baby will be here. 😊
Aubrey has been kind of all over the place with meds and some behaviors. I completely take back what I said in my last update. I can totally still function on 4 hours of sleep. That was just a rare blip of thinking I don't have superhuman capabilities. hahaha.
Update 10-17-17
New developments today! We had the growth scan today with the perinatologist and everything is on the upswing! In the past two weeks our little guy has put on 1.5 lbs, going from 3 lbs 10 oz to 5 lbs. Way to go chunky monkey. The femur went from the 1st percentile to the 16th percentile and the the abdomen went from the 4th percentile to the 19th. Also, all of the pockets of amniotic fluid that they measured were all over 2 cm with the largest being 4.6 cm. That's an upgrade just within the past four days. All of this is an amazing turn in progress and I am beyond elated to have good news. I am so appreciative of all of the prayers and well wishes this baby has been given. I am still on track to be induced on November 20th in Fargo. I will continue doing weekly visits and Doppler scans to ensure good blood flow through the cord along with non-stress tests. I change blood thinners next week in preparation for birth. I feel like I'm ready for this and with the good news today, there is a new calm over the situation. The doctor still suggested that I relocate to Fargo a week or two before my due date, which is just not possible with Aubrey. I will handle that as time gets closer though and have promised her that she will be with her mommy when baby comes. Thank you again for all of the support and I look forward to more positive updates as the world awaits the arrival of baby Alexander.
Update 11-9-17
I'm so ready to have this baby. His abdomen and femur are measuring small again, both around the 3rd percentile. He's estimated to weigh 6 lbs though. The Dopplers look good and all of the non-stress tests have been normal. At this point, they will not change anything and I'm still set to be induced on November 20th. Hematology can't get my levels stabilized now that I've switched to heparin and I've gotten cellulitus in my belly, so I'm on antibiotics for that. My blood pressure is running high too. No real surprise there. I'm so ready to stop worrying about this pregnancy. I think it's much easier to worry about a baby that I can see, than one I can't. I have one more regular visit and ultrasound and then we head to Fargo to meet our little nugget. I'm so very ready to not be pregnant ever again.
So this is it, our one last rodeo in the world of pregnancy. If it doesn't go well, it doesn't mean we won't try other options, but I'm burnt out on first trimesters, weekly doctors appointments and being heartbroken with no no answers. If I have a beautiful baby in 30 weeks, all of these struggles will be long forgotten. We will keep our fingers crossed and our expectations light.
Update 5-17-17: It's a boy! We did some genetic testing because even if I were to have a healthy pregnancy, there's a 50/50 chance that a boy would have the same X deletion I have and that would be bad news. I had convinced myself that I couldn't have a boy. Out of 7 babies, this is the first boy. Now, after getting that news, we had to wait several more days to get all of the results back to know if it did or did not have the deletion. A lot of planning and processing came in those three days. I got the call on Monday, everything is normal! What the heck is happening?!?!! I'm having a little boy! I have been so set in my mind that it was impossible for so long. A little boy to protect and watch over our precious little girl. My heart is so full with hope and joy. Now, this doesn't change anything with the possibility of miscarriage but it makes me so hopeful that maybe this time is really for real. Stay tuned........
Update 6-30-17: I had my 20 week anatomy ultrasound today and everything looks perfect! My pregnancy has been going well and there are no signs of complications. I'm honestly feeling great. I forgot how easy the second trimester was. I get a little tired in the afternoons but that's all. Now, of course there is still all of the anxiety I shared in my other blog post, but my pregnancy itself is going really smoothly. We've decided to start ordering a few necessities and are slowly changing our mindsets from expecting the worst to expecting the best. I have discussed somewhat of a plan for birth with my primary OB and the baby will not be born in Williston - it's just not the place for me. We will have to consult more with the perinatologist in August to decide if I will have the baby in Bismarck or Fargo. Either would be fine with us, we'd travel anywhere to ensure the best care. I would start care at the planned delivery location at about 30 weeks and be induced at week 38-39. Anyone who knows me, knows that's not an ideal plan for me. I love the idea of a completely natural birth in my living room with soothing music and dim lights. I had to set those thoughts aside with Aubrey and I'm more than willing to set them aside again with safety in mind. My routine appointments have gone to every four weeks now that I can feel baby tumbling around. Best feeling ever!
Update 9-19-17
Things aren’t “perfect” like I thought they were at 20 weeks. I’m now 31 weeks and we know that there is Fetal Growth Restriction. What the heck, a small baby? What will I even do with a tiny kid? I’m so accustomed to lugging around a 4’7” 80 pound kid, that has always been off the charts. The abdomen is consistently measuring below the 10th percentile which means I’m having ultrasounds every two weeks to monitor. Of course, there seems to be no real rhyme or reason for it, blood flow looks good. I’ve had three ultrasounds now, by three different techs and it’s definitely small. We met again with our Maternal Fetal Specialist today and things are staying constant, which is the best it can be, if it’s going to remain abnormal. I have scheduled a date to be induced and hope that I can make it until then to let baby grow and develop for as long as possible. He will be born in Fargo at the new hospital to ensure we have everything available that myself or baby could possibly need.
I’m beginning to require more rest and can’t seem to manage on 4 hours of sleep anymore. I have scheduled my last day of work to be two weeks before my induction date to give me some time to rest before the birth. The nursery is coming together and all of the furniture is in place. Aubrey has taken to the baby bed and likes to spend time watching her iPad in it. I’m not sure Alexander want to take to Bubble Guppies so early in life, but he may not have a choice.
Update 10-15-17
35 weeks. Hold on little buddy, we are so close to seeing this thing through. The ultrasound at week 32 told us that not only is the abdomen small, but so is the femur. Really small. It was measuring in the 1 percentile. The next one told us that the abdomen was falling on the chart even more, 4th percentile. Now I'm having weekly Doppler scans to check the blood flow through the cord and to check the amniotic fluid. Blood flow still looks good, amniotic fluid is getting low. When they test for this, they look to see the largest pocket of fluid around the baby. The lower limit is 2 centimeters. The largest they could find last week was 2.1 centimeters. The baby is still active and his heart rate is still looking really good though. I will meet with the perinatologist again on Tuesday and we will see what his thoughts are. I am thinking not much will change as long as nothing gets any worse. We just want to let this baby keep growing and developing in a safe environment - as long as the womb is still safe. Just a few more weeks and a very tiny little baby will be here. 😊
Aubrey has been kind of all over the place with meds and some behaviors. I completely take back what I said in my last update. I can totally still function on 4 hours of sleep. That was just a rare blip of thinking I don't have superhuman capabilities. hahaha.
Update 10-17-17
New developments today! We had the growth scan today with the perinatologist and everything is on the upswing! In the past two weeks our little guy has put on 1.5 lbs, going from 3 lbs 10 oz to 5 lbs. Way to go chunky monkey. The femur went from the 1st percentile to the 16th percentile and the the abdomen went from the 4th percentile to the 19th. Also, all of the pockets of amniotic fluid that they measured were all over 2 cm with the largest being 4.6 cm. That's an upgrade just within the past four days. All of this is an amazing turn in progress and I am beyond elated to have good news. I am so appreciative of all of the prayers and well wishes this baby has been given. I am still on track to be induced on November 20th in Fargo. I will continue doing weekly visits and Doppler scans to ensure good blood flow through the cord along with non-stress tests. I change blood thinners next week in preparation for birth. I feel like I'm ready for this and with the good news today, there is a new calm over the situation. The doctor still suggested that I relocate to Fargo a week or two before my due date, which is just not possible with Aubrey. I will handle that as time gets closer though and have promised her that she will be with her mommy when baby comes. Thank you again for all of the support and I look forward to more positive updates as the world awaits the arrival of baby Alexander.
Update 11-9-17
I'm so ready to have this baby. His abdomen and femur are measuring small again, both around the 3rd percentile. He's estimated to weigh 6 lbs though. The Dopplers look good and all of the non-stress tests have been normal. At this point, they will not change anything and I'm still set to be induced on November 20th. Hematology can't get my levels stabilized now that I've switched to heparin and I've gotten cellulitus in my belly, so I'm on antibiotics for that. My blood pressure is running high too. No real surprise there. I'm so ready to stop worrying about this pregnancy. I think it's much easier to worry about a baby that I can see, than one I can't. I have one more regular visit and ultrasound and then we head to Fargo to meet our little nugget. I'm so very ready to not be pregnant ever again.
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