This is a letter that I feel I must write before you are born. After children are born, mother's forget the emotions they had during pregnancy. We forget the dreams we once had before the child was born. We change our minds with the situation and conform to the circumstances at hand. I wish I had kept one of these letters for your sister so that I could remind myself of how much I have grown and evolved since then.
At this time, you are expected to make a grand entrance into this world in about two months. The doctor is currently very concerned about your growth. Your looking a little small for your age and we are doing a lot of ultrasounds to make sure this issue doesn't become critical. Technically it's called Fetal Growth Restriction, but I know you will grow to be big and strong and have not been too hung up on it. There is also a concern with one of your kidney's but the doctor believes that will be easy enough to correct after birth if it does not self correct before. At this point, I expect you will be born in Fargo, ND but that could change as time gets closer. I have not yet bought a single piece of furniture for your nursery because I have been nervous that something will go wrong. I plan on getting that accomplished within a few weeks. I expect to name you Alexander Russell after our dear friend Russ, as he requested before he left us.
Here's the most important thing I want you to know. I have dreamt of you for many years. I have hoped and wished and wanted you more than anything in the world. Even before your sister was born, I dreamt of the little boy I would one day have. Your father and I have talked about our future son for many, many years. You were my seventh pregnancy and I would do it all over again just to have you. I know you will be strong enough for this family, which is not some cliche. If you can make it this far, under all of my stress and previous complication, you will be just fine in outside world.
Here are a few of the things you should know about us. We do not sleep much. Your sister is awake, a lot. We are hard workers so you'll just have to get on board with that. I expect you will spend many hours in a law office and many more in tractors and combines. I've gone so far as to buy you a rocking seat for my office. You've already sat through a five day trial and been with me for many 80+ hour weeks. I expect this will not change much after you are born, except maybe the trials. Your dad works in a gas plant so, sorry buddy, but you won't be hanging out with him at work anytime soon. You can expect to farm with both of us though.
OK, now here's the hard part. Let's talk about your sister. Your sister is a beautiful eight year old girl right now and in third grade. She is autistic, non-verbal and epileptic. Basically, your sister can't speak with her voice and has to overcome a lot on a daily basis. You will never know any different though and I hope that she will adapt to you just as you do to her. I don't know what will happen or how she will feel about you being born. It makes me nervous but at the same time I am so excited for you two to meet each other. It is likely that you will always be the one to look out for her and not the other way around. You will be eight years younger than her but by the time you are three or four, I am certain she will look to you for guidance in many things. I hope that you always respect her achievements and know that she works extremely hard to overcome her challenges. I hope that you always love her in the same unconditional way that mommy and daddy love you. You will learn to be patient with her, I know that without a doubt. If I am able to teach you nothing else, I will teach you patience. She already tries to take over your things, like your sleeper and stroller. She might be a little confused by a new baby in the house but I hope she will adjust to the idea soon, really soon. I talk to her about you being in my belly and you kick her a lot at night when she puts her back or knees up against you. Please don't kick her after you are born though, she will kick you back and that would not be good. There are some nice things that your sister has laid the path for. I have completely given up on trying to control your play time. She plays in the mud, rain, snow, or any other condition as she pleases. There is rarely a bedtime in the summer and I never get too upset about all of the dirt that is tracked in and out of our house. I'm not sure how I will handle electronic devices with you though, seeing as how she has free reign over many tablets, iPads, iPhones and iPods. Hopefully I have a little time to figure this situation out.
Seeing as how your dad and I have had so many years to discuss the future of our next born child, we have a lot planned for you. We know what sports we want you to play - football, soccer, basketball, swim, tennis, and golf - and we know what we really want you to excel in - soccer and basketball. Hope you are okay with that. We have also discussed your college attendance. We will continue to discuss that further though, as we do not see eye to eye on that one. The thing I think about most though when it comes to your future though is that you turn out to be a good person. We will no doubt set high expectations for you, that's just our nature, but I want you to always have good character and integrity. Those are important to me. I must say that I'm excited about seeing you spend many hours in the back yard tossing a football around or kicking a soccer ball with your dad. I know he's waited a long time for a son to do those things with and I'm so happy he will finally have that opportunity.
Here's the thing, everybody has been waiting a long, long time for you to be born. Grandmas have prayed for you, grandpas have cried for you, everyone we know has hoped for your well being and arrival one day. As that day nears, I want you to know that you will adored and loved and gushed over. You will be showered with gifts and probably sent dozens of cards and letters. No matter how difficult this road has been, I hope you will know you were worth the wait and I will cherish my role as a mother to you.
