Why Law School, Why Now.

Aubrey walked the halls as a student of Divide County Elementary for the last time two months ago. It has taken me two months to gather my thoughts and feelings about that moment.  After two months in our new home of Grand Forks, this is what I think about it.  We love Crosby.  We love Divide County. I will always be so extremely grateful for the community that surrounded us with love and support for 7 years.  The community that lifted Aubrey up on a pedestal and taught her that her differenes are so special and how much she can contribute to this world.  I will forever be thankful for the support I had as I grew into a strong advocate for Aubrey and the unbelievable love I was shown through the many years I struggled to have Alexander.  There is nothing that can ever replace those years, those friendships or that place of comfort that will likely always be where we claim as "home".  

We have moved to Grand Forks, North Dakota where I am attending Law School at the University of North Dakota. We still have our house in Crosby and Seth is still living there, working in Tioga and making the trip back and forth from Crosby to Grand Forks on his days off.  The question is, why did we do that.  Why did I uproot everything that was so comfortable, so seemingly perfect, to start all over somewhere else.  The answer is, it was time. 

Imagine the biggest dreams you have ever had in your life.  Big, big dreams. The kind of dreams that put a smile on your face and make your heart happy if you could ever achieve one.  No, being an attorney is not that thought that puts that smile on my face or my ultimate life goal. Having Aubrey live in some sort of independent living situation as an adult does though. Her own little Crosby, full of people just like her. Being an attorney is just one step on the path that is going to help me get her there.  Moving to Grand Forks is part of a bigger plan.  

Aubrey is in 6th grade this year. Her class in Divide County will be moving to Junior High next year. The class that has had her back, seen her grow and cared for her like only children can, will start going in a different direction than Aubrey next year.  They will change classes, play sports, and esentially start growing up.  It was time for Aubrey to be a part of something different instead of being left behind in a mainstream setting, which was inevitable.  Aubrey is now in Middle School, in an autism only classroom.  She has 4 children in her class.  She has life skills classes, adaptive P.E., and a para whom she already has wrapped around her finger. She is thriving. I know she misses her friends from home, but now everything is on her level and sometimes being similar instead of different is not a bad thing. Aubrey will complete Middle School in Grand Forks. She will attend the same school, have the same lunch room, and love the same zip line on the playground for the next 3 years. 

Alexander is going to daycare at the YMCA (a.k.a. Big Boy School, as he calls it). It has been awesome and he will start swim lessons soon.  He will likely stay there until he starts kindergarten, in 3 years. 

Law school takes 3 years to complete. All first year law students take the same classes, so there is no focus area for now.  Get for real though, I know deep down what I want to do. I want to love what I do. I've seen the impact an attorney can make. I have seen what it is like when an attorney is passonite about her work and commits to giving her clients 110%.  I know my path will be different, but I want to take the fearlessness I have seen Liz exhibit with me and make my own path in the law. At the end of my 3 years of school, I want to take on the world, while keeping that big dream in mind.  At that point, Aubrey will be 14 years old, which still gives me a few years to make sure she is set up for the best possible situation once she graduates and nears adulthood. 

No matter if we have to be in a metropolitan area which has the type communities I envision for Aubrey or I have to build our own adult autism independent community in North Dakota, I believe this is the path I have to take to get me there.  Grand Forks is a step along the way, a way to set Aubrey on the best path forward. Big dreams take time to achieve. I have a lot to accomplish between now and then, there may be set backs along the way, and a few things are sure to change, but as to why law school, and why now - because it time to get started, I have a lot to get done.  

Papa Ray

I use this blog a lot to write about death. Maybe death comes too often in my life or maybe it is the only thing that hits me so hard that I feel like I need an outlet for it and this is that outlet.  Death is always a difficult topic, but this one hits harder and honestly, feels like a punch to the heart.  Seth's dad, Ray, left this world last Sunday.  It was unexpected and it sudden. 

He finished seeding on Friday, we went to golf course for lunch on Saturday and he visited with Janae on Sunday.  He made his rounds and then he left us. One very uplifting thought I have had since that day is, Ray has more grandchildren in heaven than he did on earth.  He has 8 grandchildren to tell stories to, read books, and go for Ranger rides.  For the first time in ever, there is sense to why Seth and I went through 6 devastating loses ourselves - to give Ray a giant family in heaven, just as he had on earth. He can love and teach and sort bolts with them now.  

A story that I often liked to remind Ray of was when Aubrey was born.  I didn't remind him of the emotional stuff, just the fact that he thought he was going to miss her birth. That it was not that big of a deal and that he'd see her later.  Also, after I learned more about farming and haying, I would ask him what the hell he was so busy doing on June 27 anyway. That is prime time between seeding and haying.  Literally, your least busy week from May until October.  I know what it was though, he didn't know yet what it was going to be like to be a grandfather.  He hadn't felt the love for a grandchild yet and he didn't understand how his life was about to change.  It's not that he didn't care or that he had better things to do, he just didn't know what this grandparent thing was all about.  Aubrey was, as she always does, about to change his understanding though.  

Aubrey was born at 2:19 am. Her APGAR score (a summary of the likelihood of survival) was only 1 immediately after birth. Her life was fragile.  Jeanie called Ray and told him that he better be on his was to Grand Forks.  He got out of bed at 2:30 in the morning and drove 5 hours to Grand Forks.  At this point I knew Ray, but I didn't really know Ray.  Seth and I had been together for a year and had been married for 5 months.  We had lived in Grand Forks and only visited his parents for holidays and what not.  I mean I knew them, but there was no real bond there.  Aubrey fought for her life over the next few hours and we waited patiently.  I can vividly remember this waiting room along one of the hallways and Seth and I met with the NICU doctor there to discuss transporting Aubrey to a different location or if we should keep her in Grand Forks. I remember walking out of that waiting room and Ray was standing there and he just took Seth and I in his arms and held us so tight to his chest and told us that he loved us and that this was going to be okay. I burst into tears and soaked up his love and that hug that I needed so badly. It was a turning point.  He was a grandpa and he felt it and he had to protect the situation and us.  Little Aubrey made it through and although it took him several more years to be cool with babysitting her, he loved her like no other. He loved to lecture me about her not wearing pants, shoes or whatever other clothing she had decided to forego on any given day.  He loved to take her on tractor rides, ask her if she saw certain things out the window and tell her to jump 10 times for fun.  His favorite line to her was when he would ask her a more complicated question and he would search her eyes to see if he thought she understood.  He would always say, "You know, girl, don't ya. I know you do."  He loved her and he knew that she loved him. 

By the time Alexander came along, Ray was had more than figured out this grandparent thing. He had a shadow with Alexander, a little "Mini Ming", but he was never going to forget that it was Aubrey who gave him the title.  It was Aubrey who made him get out of that bed at 2:30 in the morning to drive to Grand Forks to see just what it meant to be a Papa.  We will miss him dearly and Seth and I will have a long road to recovery from his death, but it is nice to know that all of our other children, the ones we haven't met, are keeping him busy and on his toes in the Great Unknown.  We love you Ray, may you rest in peace.       

When Everything is Not Enough

Currently, we are all in the middle of being isolated from the world.  It is a strange time for everyone. It is a difficult time for everyone.  For us, it has been no different.  I began distancing Aubrey on March 13, when I wouldn't let her attend a magic show at the high school.  I knew what might be coming and I didn't want to put her at risk.  That was on a Friday, school was cancelled on Sunday.  Aubrey has basically been isolated since that point.  My fears aren't that she will have severe respiratory issues (although that wouldn't be so far fetched), it is that she would spike a fever and that would cause serious issues with her epilepsy.  Aubrey has multiple absence seizures all day, every day.  Her last EEG showed that she has approx. 10 an hour, so we were working on changing her medications when social distancing.  I was worried that she was too susceptible to a big (clonic-tonic) seizure and that I had to take this serious from day 1.  So, for one month we played by the rules. For us this meant, Alexander's last day of daycare was the same as Aubrey's last day at school.  The kids couldn't go into any stores anymore. Aubrey would do all of her therapies from home, even though she had the option to do them at the hospital.  I was committing to online school with her, since she can't log into an account, complete work or navigate any part of Microsoft Teams, without direct assistance.  I was committed to sitting in front of that computer 5-6 different times a day, as she scratched my arm, pulled my hair, begged to be done, and insisted on "I want pillow".  I was cool with Alexander dumping baskets of blocks out in the floor in the middle of her lessons, demanding that he "go school", and redirecting him to his toy box in the other room.  Cooking every meal at home and begging my professors for extensions because I literally cannot find the time in a day to write papers or complete projects.  I was more okay than usual with the lack of sleep because Aubrey's sleep was worse than ever, either because of the new meds or the lack of activity - because, of course most of the past month has been cold in North Dakota.  I was all in with social distancing.  In the back on my mind I knew that I was so okay with all of this because I know what happened to Aubrey during the last global pandemic.  It's the one that people like to use for comparative memes.  In 2009 Aubrey fell victim to H1N1.  The result was respiratory arrest, weeks in the hospital and a tracheotomy.  I know what is like to see a baby in ICU and the idea that there may not be available ICU is nothing short of terrifying.  All in. Period. I was doing all that I could to prevent COVID-19 from touching my daughter and possibly causing a big seizure.

Tuesday was a typical day for us.  Aubrey completed two sessions with her paraprofessional, sat through speech, and worked in the living room via Skype with her physical therapist. Seth was on day shift and it was his last day.  Those are always the best days, but even more so lately. We were eating dinner and Aubrey resisted sitting with us for more than 2 minutes, not unusual.  She escaped to her tent in the living room, which is her new favorite hang out.  Seth took her dinner to her and nothing was out of the ordinary.  He made a loop around the table to grab his drink and then went back to her tent.  She was seizing. Eyes rolled back, unconscious, muscle spasms, seizing. He called me over and I went into reaction mode.  I grabbed my phone and called 911, while grabbing her emergency rescue medication.  I ran back to her and held her head while talking to the 911 operator. Then it stopped.  I cancelled the emergency response, Seth pulled her out of her tent and put her on the couch, I called my mom to come to be with Alexander and we took Aubrey to the ER.  The seizure lasted for about 90 seconds. I wanted to have labs drawn immediately so that we knew if there was any obvious cause. The thing with Aubrey is that we don't know how she feels.  I don't know if her head hurts, if she's seeing double, I don't know if she feels nauseous or if she had any indications leading up to the seizure.  I just have to guess. I have to do everything possible and hope that some of it helps. 

The days after her seizure have been tough.  She was tired most of the day for two days afterward, but couldn't sleep for more than two hours at a time.  I cancelled school sessions and let her rest.  She finally felt better yesterday so I took her to the park to rider her PowerWheels.  Today we went to the farm and she played on her swing and rode the Ranger.  Her neurologist will have to wait on all of her labs results but the initial tests showed nothing striking.  At this point, there is nothing different that we can or should have done, it was just a breakthrough seizure.

So, here's the thing, I have spent 30 days living in fear.  Fear that someone would carry a novel virus to Divide County and wreak havoc on Aubrey.  My fear was that her epilepsy was vulnerable, that she was vulnerable.  After the image of her seizing was burned into my brain and we once again experienced a critical health scare, I overcame the focused fear of Coronavirus.  Aubrey will always be more susceptible to viruses.  She is always going to be higher risk for whatever is going around.  While, of course, I wouldn't put her on a crowded New York subway car at the moment, I am going to let her go to therapy next week. It doesn't matter how committed I am to ensuring she completes her reading assignments, she still has epilepsy.  Once the world returns to normal and her classmates return to regular birthday parties and not virtual ones, Aubrey will still be happy to eat supper in her tent, because she is still autistic.  Just like everyone, I hope this soon passes, but even when it does, my worst fears will sometimes be a reality and if anything, I realize that is not something I can change.  It doesn't change with online school or keeping my kids out of the grocery store.  I could do everything, but it would not be enough.

Sometimes life is not fair

Elizabeth White was a little girl born with epidermolysis bullosa (EB). EB is a genetic condition and causes the skin to be extremely fragile and causes blisters. This blistering causes painful sores and can lead to infection.

I first came to know of Elizabeth after she began attending school with Aubrey. Then I read about her in the local newspaper after they ran a special series on Elizabeth. Elizabeth started school in Divide County around the same time that Aubrey was at the height of her biting phase. We would walk past Elizabeth in the hallway and I would cringe at the possibility that Aubrey might hurt her. She would always say hello to Aubrey though. She clearly didn't have the same fears that I did for Aubrey's possible actions.

Over the years that Elizabeth lived in Crosby I came to know Elizabeth much better as well as her mother, Jenny. Jenny and I had a good bit in common and we could talk freely about the struggles of raising a special needs child. Jenny had much more on her plate with Elizabeth than I did with Aubrey but there were still enough  similarities that were able to connect on that level.

As I came to know about the struggles Elizabeth went through, the more I admired her courage. She would quiz me on the happenings of my household and I don't think she ever forgot to ask how Aubrey was doing. If she knew that Aubrey had been to a special doctor's appointment or if something happened to Aubrey that was out of the ordinary, Elizabeth needed to know the details. She spent so much time suffering but still needed to know about Aubrey's well being.

Last spring I made Elizabeth a promise that I'd take her to the pool. She really wanted to see about this pool business but wanted to do it on her terms. For Elizabeth's first trip to the pool, we rented the pool so that she could be comfortable being there. After that, it was on. Elizabeth had a blast in the swimming pool last summer and it was so humbling to see the confidence with herself in the water improve so quickly. After our trips to the pool, Elizabeth was more than an kid I knew from Aubrey's school, she permanently held a place in my heart.

Over this past winter, Elizabeth spent a lot of time in the hospital. I would hear her giving the nurses heck and she would tell me everything the doctors were doing wrong. She was in the hospital over her birthday and I started making a birthday party game plan with her to keep her spirits up. She was quite specific on some of the details and I don't think we had any calls where she didn't want to make adjustments to the plan or make sure I hadn't backed out of my end of the deal. She was determined to keep me in line.

When Elizabeth came home from that last hospital stay it was difficult to watch her. She was extremely fragile and the EB had taken over her body. Jenny put on a brave face but my heart broke for her as much as it did for Elizabeth. Elizabeth would not live much longer and the time was closing in too rapidly. She didn't lose her wit though. She was sharp and needed to know everything about everything.

During one of my last visits with Elizabeth, she asked me how Alexander's head was looking after wearing his helmet. Here was this child, in more pain than I could imagine, and she was concerned about Alexander's little head not being straight. Talk about compassion for others.

On my last day with Elizabeth she asked me if she could give Aubrey one of her stuffed animals. Santa had accidentally brought Elizabeth two of the same one and the way she figured it, if she kept one and Aubrey had one, they would be besties forever. The next day, Elizabeth was gone.

Elizabeth White taught me that you don't take life for granted. Not a single moment of it. I saw her pain in a way that I have never seen pain before. I saw her frailty in ways that ways that will never leave my memory. What I saw most in Elizabeth White though, was someone who never gave up. She fought her battle until the very last moment of her life, which ended at 13 years old. I am so honored to have known the courageous Elizabeth White.

The End.

On Wednesday Seth and I celebrated our 10th Anniversary.  On the same day, I had a pre-op for a salpingectomy. Ironic timing, I know.  On the 11th of this month I will literally remove any future chances of me carrying another child.  It should be a fairly easy surgery with only a few days recovery time.  After more than 10 years of considering, stressing about and experiencing pregnancy, that chapter of my life will close.

A few months ago I wrote about a difficult day with Aubrey traveling for a doctor appointment in Minneapolis. It was an extremely confusing and horrific day for her and all I could do was try to physically remove her from public as quickly as possible.  It was just the two of us traveling and Aubrey weighs 85 pounds, plus we had two bags with.  To complicate the situation even more, I was six weeks pregnant.  That information was purposefully withheld from everyone other than Seth at the time because I was so early in the pregnancy and I felt there was no need to even discuss it.  The real issue for me came on the day that Aubrey and I left Minneapolis and headed back to North Dakota.  Aubrey was still was not feeling great and just didn't have the strength to walk independently through the airport.  This time I was able to secure a wheelchair instead of carrying her, which quickly became necessary because I miscarried the baby.  So there we were, just Aubrey and I, in the middle of the Minneapolis Airport and I'm losing a baby.  Talk about a mental overload.  I called the doctor's office to schedule an appointment right away the next day, but by then it was pretty much all over. By the time we landed in Minot, my mind was made up.  When I visited with the doctor, I was going to tell her my desires to have another child were gone.  I was not going to put myself or Aubrey or Seth or now Alexander through this again.  As much as I believe it is important to have siblings, I also knew that after my 8th pregnancy, my body and mind were done. I have tried and tried and tried and having a big family is not something I am capable of giving Aubrey. Giving Alexander a typical sibling to grow up with is something I have now realized is also extremely important, but I have also come to the realization that it is just not something I am capable of.

I was unsure of what the doctor would say.  I knew my options would be extremely limited because of my blood clotting disorder, but as we went over possibilities, I knew right away that salpinectomy is what I wanted.  I wanted to have my tubes completely removed.  I wanted this roller coaster ride to come to an end.  I have two amazing children, I have devoted my life to their well being and I will just have to find a way to make up for all of the brothers and sisters I cannot give them.

I am looking forward to a life that doesn't include morning sickness, extreme fatigue and countless hours in appointments.  I will happily use that time to read books to Aubrey and Alexander, review Spanish lessons for fun with Aubrey, push trucks around with Alexander, continue my education and feel like a normal person. A normal person who goes out to dinner more than they go in for an ultrasound.

So Long 2018

New Year's Day - A day for me to reflect on the past year and think about what I would like to achieve over the next 365 days. Thinking back over the past year makes me realize how quickly time escapes us, and how in just a blink of an eye things change.

Just this time last year, I had a 5 week old baby.  Now I have a little boy that zooms trucks around on everything and went to lunch with me yesterday and ate broccoli and pizza.  He's growing up in what seems like an instant.  Over the past year, Alexander has had us all at the edge of our seats. Does he have CP, did the OB at birth change the course of his life forever, does he need a cranial helmet, is he delayed, is there an underlying genetic disorder, why does he have so many ear infections, is daycare going to work for him, will he require extra care, is he lip tied, why can't he drink from a sippy cup, are we taking him to the right doctors.  Well, here is where we are at with all of that - Alexander does not have an neurological abnormalities, his delays remain unexplained in most part, but have also gotten to be much less severe.  He does still have some noticeable differences in his right and left side, but nothing near as concerning as it was six months ago.  He continues to work with Early Intervention, but I am no longer worried about his long term physical abilities.  Around the same time we traveled to Mayo, Alexander was also placed in a cranial helmet to help reshape his head.  He had front bossing on the right side and flattening in the back.  There was some correction however, I made the decision to take him out of the helmet and hope that he doesn't hate me when his older because he doesn't have a perfectly symmetrical forehead.  The drives back and forth to Bismarck (4 hours each way) were becoming unworkable with both kids and the winter weather. There are still some delays but now speech is more of a concern than gross motor.  We opted out of additional genetic testing in favor of waiting to see if there is continued progress.  A microarray was preformed when I was 11 weeks pregnant and that was normal.  Anything beyond that is pretty technical and I just do not think it is necessary at this time.  Over the past 7 months though, the ear infections have been almost completely constant. He has been on antibiotics so much that I can't even recall the number of times.  He had an appointment with ENT yesterday and is scheduled to have tubes inserted in two weeks.  He also had an appointment with a pediatric dentist yesterday to have his, newly discovered, lip tie corrected.  I'm not sure how that was missed after multiple signs of it, but it was.  I am hopeful that it will make a difference with him being able to drink from anything other than a bottle and possibly improve his speech.  Daycare has been working great for him.  We have loved his caretakers and he has had all of the socialization and learning opportunities that we had hoped for.  I am not expecting any major changes in the path Alexander is currently on over the next year.  I know he will keep working hard and making progress and we will continue advocating for his wellbeing.  He is just a smiley baby and happy as can be.

Aubrey has had more of a consistent year. She is still thriving in school and loving to play outside all day every day in the Summer.  This year she had a new caretaker for Summer and I think Aubrey was smitten.  They were able to spend a lot of time in the pool and at the splash pad in between school and therapies.  Aubrey continued to ride her favorite horse, Mac, over the summer and work with her great therapist.  She also had her tonsils out and has not visited the doctor for a sinus infection/sore throat since then.  Probably the most noticeable change in Aubrey this year is that she got a pretty extreme hair cut.  Her long curly hair was so unruly and the older she got, the harder it was for me to maintain it over her protests. I'm not sure who is more satisfied with it, me or her.  Aubrey got to take 3 trips to Minneapolis this year for various appointments, which means she got to spent a lot of time at Nickelodeon Universe.  They have a fantastic program for special needs individuals and was a refreshing experience for Aubrey.  No real waiting in lines for rides, which means she almost has zero frustration in the park.  It has worked out so well each time.  I am currently in the process of converting all of Aubrey's specialist to be doctors at Mayo.  We were so impressed with the care that Alexander received and it does make a lot of sense to streamline all of her care and appointments.  We were already traveling to St. Paul to see her neurologist a few times a year, so the travel is really no different, just less trips to Fargo.  That should mean more time that she has to spend on rollercoasters each year, so it seems like a win, win to me.

Seth and I are doing well and made a little transition when we made the decision to rent a place in town to help with winter travel.  We were able to get into one of the townhomes by the hospital and, honestly, I cannot believe it took five years for us to stay in town.  It is so convenient and easy to get the kids to school in the mornings and the run errands in the evening or weekends.  We are right across the street from the park so Aubrey is still able to spend time outside when it is warm enough.  The plan will be to return to the farm in the Spring once seeding begins or at least split the time between the two places.  It does work better for child care to have a place in town, but the farm is Aubrey's sanctuary and I could never take her away from that.  I also expect Alexander will be driving a combine within a few years, so he will need to be around to see how things work. ;)

We were able to make two trips to Mississippi this year.  One in the Summer for Drew's graduation and one the week before Christmas.  Drew received his B.S. in Accounting and is now in Law School at Ole Miss.  He is doing well and is planning and receiving his Masters of Taxation along with his J.D. Tyler moved to Williston at the end of last year and began working for ISCO in Williston, ND early this year.  He is settled into his own place in Williston and is probably the happiest I have ever seen him.  My mom is still enjoying her Northern Lights sightings and has made a life for herself here in Crosby.  We see her almost every day and she cares for the kids a lot while I am working late or have to travel out of town for work.  My dad and Marsha have been through a huge transitional year.  As long as everything goes smoothly, they will soon go from foster parents to just parents.  I am anxious for J.M. to be my official brother and a part of my immediate family instead of my extended step family.  Also, the station that my dad had managed for 40 years also closed this year. Although I am a bit surprised at how well he has taken the change, he seems to be more relaxed and enjoying some time off.  For the first time in my life, I actually went to lunch with my father in Holly Springs the last time we were there.  He is definitely the hardest worker I know, but my goodness it was time for a break.

No matter what uncertainty may lie ahead with our family, I am happy to say that 2018 turned out to be a great year for us. We rang in the New Year with our two children sleeping soundly in their beds (at least at midnight they were), and watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Uneventful - the best kind of night we can have.

Hell Of A Day

To say that Aubrey had a hell of a day is an understatement. She and I were set for a fun weekend in Minneapolis, because she has a routine neurology visit on Monday. I decided to make a weekend of it to give her a break from being stuck inside and some alone time with mommy (we left Seth and Alexander at home). The day started off great! With minimal packing, we each grabbed a backpack and hit the road. We flew out of Minot so it was an easy trip to the airport. We were there in just enough time to breeze through security and grab lunch before we boarded. Aubrey was in a good mood, she seemed so excited as I kept repeating that were going to fly, ride rollercoasters and swim today. Seems like a fairly good day for any 9 year old. She wouldn't eat lunch though. I figured she was just occupied and I brought it on the plane with us. The gate agent was nice enough to upgrade us to the Comfort Plus seats instead of giving us the very rear of the aircraft seats that I had actually purchased. Aubrey still wouldn't eat on the flight though. About 45 min into the flight she started becoming pretty agitated. Seemed odd because it was too early in the day for her to need any meds and the flight was uneventful. She's a seasoned traveler and I didn't expect any issues. During decent she still seemed alright but she was making me hug her and unbuckling her seatbelt constantly. Then it happened.  It was like a bomb exploded in her tiny little belly. Vomit was projecting everywhere. Everywhere. There was literally nothing I could do to help anything other than try to position her a little closer to me so that I had more on me than she did on her. I called for the flight attendant but she showed up with napkins. I needed a water hose and a gallon of Dawn. I soaked up as much as I could so that we could hopefully make it to the bathroom and remove our drenched clothes. Good thing we had those backpacks with us and not checked luggage. The backpacks were soaked too though. Seriously, puke on everything. By the time we got into the bathroom, there was about 2 minutes until landing. Of course, there is some understanding with commercial flight attendants that you might spontaneous combust if you aren't in your seat during landing, so there was some serious banging on the bathroom door where I was inside peeling vomit soaked clothes off of my very confused child. Anyway, I thought the flight attendant was helpful, just not too willing to let us be out of our seats for landing. So, we didn't spontaneously combust because we made it back before touchdown, I just had to ride it out with chunks on my pants still. Of course I waited until everyone else took their sweet time in exiting the aircraft and then I had an opportunity to get up and start cleaning shoes and backpacks so that we could at least walk through the airport without leaving a trail.

Finished up on the plane and made it into the airport. The pilot of our flight met me at the gate to get the rundown of my plans and to see how he could assist. I told him if he could help get one of those assistant carts things, I could handle the rest. He got me one pretty quickly and we headed to the transportation section of the airport. Aubrey laid her head on my shoulder the whole way and I prayed she wouldn't get sick on the driver. We exited the cart and attempted to make out way to the lower level and across to the taxi line. One problem, Aubrey was spent. She didn't't have the energy to walk. Alright, I guess this is about to really be interesting. I put her backpack back on her. The one she was demanding to carry just a few hours earlier. Put my jacket on her, since of course hers was sent to the trash, along with her jeans, shirt, my sweater and her book and I picked her up and marched through that airport with her 80 lbs just limp in my arms. I went to find a taxi and thought to myself that the taxi driver better not dare tell me we smell like revisited yogurt and oatmeal.

We arrived at the hotel and made our way inside. Check in is pretty quick until Aubrey has to lie down on the floor and proceed to vomit some more. Now my coat is ready to see a waste basket. I let her finish, in my coat, take the elevator to the room and figure out what is even happening. I'm sure everyone thought something bizarre was happening. So much going on and almost no words between us. Just me saying a few times, very quietly, "It's okay" and "Aubrey, everything is just fine".

She just laid in the bed, showered and is unable to do much other than get sick for the next few hours. I decide that it's most likely a virus and that I'll let it run its course overnight and only take her to a doctor if it continues into tomorrow.

At the moment she is sleeping soundly, with half of her body wedged under me, as usual.

I'm am hopeful that she wakes up and has those rollercoasters on her mind again tomorrow. Actually, I'd be willing to bet that she wakes up ready to go, as if nothing happened today at all. She's never too interested in letting a bad day repeat itself.